Ten years ago today I became a Mom. I was young and naïve but
excited and happy. I never knew I could love someone so much, someone that I
just met. Sometimes I’m envious of my “first timer” mom self. All my time and
devotion to her and our little adventures to the library and the park. All the “firsts” we shared together, not just
hers but mine.
The first time I laid eyes on her I was in awe of what I was
entrusted in. How was something so perfect given to someone so imperfect. She
was helpless without me. I felt purpose.
The first time she said “no”, I was so proud. It was the
cutest “no” I had ever heard. I had no idea what it was going to turn in to.
The first day I got really mad at her. I don’t remember what
it was for but I came in and laid by her side after she went to sleep, tears
rolled down my face and I was so grateful for tomorrows. I felt so guilty of
overreacting. Those toddler years were hard.
The first time you went to school. Tears rolled down my
cheeks again as I sat in the car wondering how you got so big and missing the
days we made colorful pancakes in our pjs and bath time was part of our
routine.
Through all our firsts and our manys. She makes me a better person. I have learned more about myself than anything else from being her mom.
My baby is a decade today and she doesn’t remember the
firsts but she doesn’t need to. They were mostly for me. It’s the relationship we have built over the
sorrys, the I love yous, the lets try agains, the bedtime stories and now
bedtime talks, the working together, the uno games, the hair doing, the listening
to stories that happen at school, the dancing in the kitchen and all the in
between.
Happy birthday Nikki!!
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