I sat in the very back row of Sacrament meeting. My husband was home with the baby and a sick kid. I had the other 4. We were a party even before we sat down. My high heels clonking the wood floor as we entered and my kids already bickering about our spot. That was only the beginning. My 3 yr old ran out the back door EVERY time I let go of him. He wanted a drink and the water bottle in the diaper bag was not good enough for the umpteenth time. My girls were fighting over coloring stuff and the name calling was short of a whisper. It had been 15 minutes and I was exhausted. I was wrangling my 44 lb newly 3 yr old in heels and I was fed up. I told the kids to get up, we were leaving. We gathered all out stuff and walked out to the foyer. Most my kids were sad about it, one of them was surprisingly not.
I started walking to the door but paused as I held the handle. I couldn't do it. Why couldn't I go guilt free? I wanted to go so bad. But I couldn't push the door open. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and turned around. We walked back into the meeting and sat back down on the back row.
I realized I didn't have to be there. I could of gone, I was so close to walking out those doors. I realized I had a choice. I was there because I wanted to be there. I was there because my Mom took her 8 kids to church (somehow) so they could learn and I will sacrifice and take mine.
Today I taught my kids that we don't walk away when things get tough. We may recoup but we go back in and we deal. Were my kids angelic the rest of the meeting? Not even close nor did my threatening do anything. But I can do anything for an hour. I can deal with the crayon throwing, toddler yelling, hair pulling sisters and more. All I have to do is remember my why.
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