A Little House, A Lot Of Kids

It was my first and last time riding in the back of a police car. I was being escorted to the hospital because my parents didn't trust me to ride with them. They thought I would run. They were absolutely right. I had full intentions to run. I would never admit that to them, promising I was not a flight risk. But, I had it all planned out. As soon as we hit a stop sign I was running and not looking back.

March marks a pretty significant month for me. It brings bits of sunshine as Spring arrives and glimpses of what Summer has in store. I live for warm weather, I should probably move to Hawaii. But more importantly than any change in weather is the reminder of the hope that I received 11 years ago.

Today I was reading through some papers I had wrote while in the suicidal unit in March of 2006. When I read them, I felt so much sadness for the girl that I was once. I felt her pain and I ached for her remembering how I just wanted to be "free". I was also filled with so much gratitude for a second chance and the life I would of missed out on if I had my wish.

You could say I am passionate about suicide prevention. When I hear about a death by suicide it breaks my heart.

1. Because I know how real those feelings are

2. I know they will never find out what they will miss out on

3. The grief and loss their poor families will have to endure is heart wrenching

To think of my life ending at 17 is pitiful. I seriously had felt like I had lived a life then. I hadn't even started. To think of all the chubby baby cheeks I would of never kissed, a wonderful marriage and a deep love never felt and so many belly laughs and dance parties in the kitchen I would of missed out on.

So how we can we help the helpless?

Don't judge them! Right now their self worth is in the pits. You just love them! In my experience I felt like my life was no longer salvageable, I started not to care about things that I would never do before. My closest allies and people who impacted me the most during that time were the ones who loved me even though they didn't agree with my decisions.

Don't let them isolate themselves. I was one who had a lot of friends and went out a lot. But the second I came home I was in my room. I never talked to anyone about my feelings... until Lane. I hated counseling. I hated talking about it because it hurt so bad. He had to pry the heck out of me to get me to talk about what I really felt inside. Just make sure they are talking about it and that they have someone to talk to about whatever it is that is making them feel helpless.

Make a prevention plan. When you feel stressed/ depressed what are you going to do? Who are you going to call or text? I had to do this when leaving the unit after 5 days. I knew exactly who I was going to call when feeling like I couldn't do it anymore, and what I was going to do. ex. write in my journal or read the scriptures, exercise.

If I one thing to say to a suicidal, depressed, person. I would tell them to let that person go and become the person you want to be. You have a choice to live and you can love the life you live. Find the smallest inkling of hope and grab on to it with all your might. Ok thats 3 but you can do it!!!! If I can do it, you can do it!!!

I challenge you to give someone hope this month. Do a good deed, be a good listener. Follow those promptings to call a long lost friend. Serve. Don't take for granted your family. Just love!!

💓 Chelsea